im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
