i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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