why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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