do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize