I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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