I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can I color on your dick again?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
