ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize