I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
