the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
