you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my mouth tastes like poor choices
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize