HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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