I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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