i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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