we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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