and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Randomize
