I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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