HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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