sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
