I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize