I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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