Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
