i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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