yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
