i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
