I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
