His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
