my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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