the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I understand Curling. That high.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
