Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
