I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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