whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
