I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
