Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
