A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
