I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
