Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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