There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i think my cat just said my name.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
