we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
