You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i came on her dog
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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