Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
