How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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