Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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