I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
