Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
