that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
