Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
