i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
