Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
