He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
