it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
