According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
