you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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