he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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