So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
