More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
