I am in a vortex of obligation.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
