It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
