I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize