Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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