she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
