So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
