Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
