Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
