but the lizard people decide everything anyway
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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