i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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