Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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