We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
