She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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