I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
