I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
