Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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