what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
