yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
