I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
