Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
