just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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