After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
