when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
