Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
