i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
