Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
