this just has baby written all over it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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