last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
