never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
