take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
two words: eviction party
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
