if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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