it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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