rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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