I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
