I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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