you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
