yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I stole a fireplace last night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
