I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
