he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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