insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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