I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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