dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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