Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
