I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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