I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
ugly people sure do ruin things
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
