he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
