I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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