No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
