I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
