There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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