Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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